PSA: The Sauna Is Not a Dating App (A Rant)

I need to get something off my chest (and it's not my towel, which is staying FIRMLY in place, thank you).

THE SAUNA IS NOT A DATING APP.

I repeat: THE SAUNA. IS NOT. A DATING APP.

I have now been hit on in the sauna four times in two months. FOUR. I'm sitting there, red-faced, dripping sweat, looking like a boiled lobster in gym shorts, and someone decides THIS is the moment. THIS is the vibe. THIS is when romance happens.

Sir, I am literally cooking. My heart rate is elevated because of HEAT, not because of YOU.

Let me break down why the sauna is the worst possible place to shoot your shot:

1. Nobody looks good in there. We're all melting. It's a room designed to make you sweat. The lighting is dim for a reason and that reason is mercy.

2. You can't leave. This is the big one. In a gym, if someone's making you uncomfortable, you can walk to another machine. In the sauna, you're trapped in a hot wooden box. Leaving feels dramatic. Staying feels like encouragement. There is no winning.

3. Everyone else can hear. It's a small room with zero ambient noise. When you lean over and ask "so do you come here often?" EVERYONE hears it. The old guy in the corner heard it. The person with their eyes closed heard it. WE ALL HEARD IT and we are all uncomfortable.

4. The outfit situation. I am wearing the absolute minimum amount of clothing. This is not an invitation. This is thermoregulation.

Look — I'm not anti-gym-dating. People meet at the gym all the time. That's great! But there's a time and a place. The weight floor? Maybe. The smoothie bar? Sure. A group class? Classic.

The sauna? No. Absolutely not. Let people marinate in peace.

If you genuinely want to meet people at the gym, this guide on gym etiquette and dating covers how to do it without being a walking PSA. And honestly, if you're serious about meeting fitness-minded people, just use DateFit — it's literally designed for this so you don't have to ambush strangers in a 180-degree room.

The sauna rules:

Sit down
Shut up (light small talk acceptable, NOT flirting)
Sweat
Leave
Maybe nod at someone on the way out if you're feeling social

That's it. That's the list.

I will not be taking questions at this time. I'll be in the sauna. ALONE.

Got a gym rant? Let it out. This is a safe space for complaints.